Part 3 of 5 How to Win At Love – in Five Easy Stages
STAGE #3 POWER STRUGGLES ~ your “Perfect One’s” imperfect?
Well gol darn, who replaced your sweetie with this demanding, bossy, opinionated, selfish, hard fighting or painfully aloof creature who looks unnaturally like your beloved?
Not quite “buyers remorse” but akin to it, this next stage is the rude awakening that befalls all lovers as their self-inflicted chemical high wears off a bit and they begin to see one another without the rose-tinted specs.
You need this stage – you really do! The reason you and your sweetie have seemed like paragons to one another is probably because you were on your best behaviour, and the few little slip-ups were written off as exceptions to the my-partner-is-perfect myth you’ve been living with. But you’ll be hard pushed to be on your best behaviour for years. At some level your ego knows this too and pops out from behind the “best-behaviour” mask to seek an answer to the increasingly pressing question:
- “Will you love me as I really am? Warts and all?”
Now is when compromises stop and you begin to fight for what you really want. She’ll stop cheering at the games she swore she loved attending; he’ll swing by the pub for a few with his mates on Friday evening; she’ll share her day first with her mum and social media “besties” and be on-line when he gets home; his “slight” interest in World of Warcraft will revert to the obsession it was; her adorable wardrobe which looked terrific on her won’t look so good covering the floor of their shared space; his inability to see a filthy floor won’t seem so cute either. And so on. This is the gloves-off stage when you start to hammer out what you each need and want on the home front.
What to do?
This phase lasts as long as it’s needed so the sooner you are willing to talk to one another right as issues present themselves, the more likely you are to move through this stage to the next – which feel less like a body-slam and more like a Reel.
How to win at POWER STRUGGLES
TIP 1 ~ Speak up for what really matters to you. Seemingly little issues – how long to read in bed, tidiness preferences, food, money, hobbies, time with friends and relatives – are what make up your days. Can you talk to one another about what you want, even if you end up disagreeing about some of these?
TIP 2 ~ Unite Against Your Differences You’ll never agree on everything. Instead unite with one another against the impossibility of 100% agreement. “It’s a shame we can’t be with both families this Christmas isn’t it.” (More about this in a future Blog).
TIP 3 ~ Notice What IS Working. For all you notice your differences, don’t forget to highlight what you love about one another. Remember – that which you focus upon expands.